New Ward

Thursday 25 January 2007:

Boanerges was moved on his birthday from the assessment ward to a cardiology ward:

Tony in the bed opposite was born in 1934 and is 73
Next to Tony is unknown (later found out that his name is Charlie) was born in 1929 and is 78
Les next to me is unknown.

Betrayed by my heart.

Sun shone but nurse had to de-ice her car twice on way in to hospital this morning.

Ingrid's comment in her card that "I'm her life and she loves me" touched me deeply and gave me strength.

Liam and Alice (bless them) stayed behind last night till I was moved to my new ward. Zoe (bless her) went home with her Mum.

Liam and Alice are still discussing their future. It seems Alice has gone off the idea of a Masters (I am still thinking about it) and it seemed to me, more inclined than ever to drama school. The quandary is the old one about security and a reasonable income against risk.

I didn't contribute as I felt that this was their discussion. I don't think they would have minded my chiming in and may even have welcomed it. I didn't because I understand all too well the need for stability and security. I was brought up in a Protestant Work Ethic household and am a child of a divorced couple. For some this is a cause of future recklessness, I have examples of that sort of behaviour in my own life story, or a cause of timidity. Perhaps because of this, I was not able to take the plunge into the professional theatre as many of my contemporaries did: Steve Hodson (Follyfoot Farm), Gordon Kaye and Duncan Preston. I would like to say I had no regrets and I certainly have very few indeed. I would not have wanted to miss Ingrid and my two wonderful daughters. I would not have wanted to miss the Bench and the range and variety of roles I have been able to play, which I never would have played professionally. I have the friendship of the Penroses and the Hartley-Woodwards to be thankful for. However, all this is a prologue to the fact that I can look back and be pleased with my life but there is still a little niggling "What If?" Am I trying to satisfy that niggle through Alice? I fear my motives are suspect hence my silence.