SATs Week

I think I said I was a primary school teacher! Well, in fact, I am the deputy head of a small primary school, and have been for the last 21 years in September. Retirement is on the cards for Christmas 2006.

I don't know how it is that I have spent 21 years at the school. I arrived as the unwanted external candidate, but the chair of governors at the time, and the Hampshire inspector involved in my interview, over-ruled the wishes of the headteacher, who had wanted an internal candidate appointed. You can imagine how welcome he made me feel! It was an unpleasant time, but I had a family to support, and one of the most supportive wives you could ever wish for, plus plenty of interests outside of school (especially the theatre and acting).
The staff were also either antagonistic towards me - one threatened to report me to the governors because I had dared to use staples in my Hall display on the "sacred" wooden partition doors- or neutral. Gradually I won them round by dogged persistence or rather my inability to be hurt by the slings and arrows of outrageous (outraged) fortune. Someone once said I must be thick-skinned, I replied, "No, just thick!" My response to insulting behaviour or veiled aggression is disbelief - did I really hear someone have a go at me? - and by the time I have worked out that may be the case, the moment for flattening them has come and gone. Whether that is to their benefit or to mine, I don't know (so that's why I say I'm "thick")

Once I got my feet under the table as deputy head, I began to look at moving to a headship but, I realise now if not then, with insufficient conviction. The story I tell, as much to myself as to others, is that when asked any variation of "what would I lie down in the road for?" I was stumped. I'd protect my wife and kids against hell and high water but I fail to be excited about visions and principles to die for. One of the reasons comes from the "if" poem - Success and failure are both imposters" (paraphrased of course). So I don't get too excited if things are going well but nor down if they 're not.
Last year at school I was responsible for the Y6, their SATs and their results ( as I have on a number of occasions over the 21 years). Reading was okay at 75% but the writing task was very difficult and the children struggled, pulling the overall English mark back to 52% (just over half). Science was okay at 68%, but maths was dreadful at 40%. The total for all three subjects was nearly 100 points down on the previous year, which admittedly had been a peak year with a star cohort. I felt wretched and, if I was that way inclined, suicidal, at least professionally.

This year I have not had a full class responsibility. I have job shared a Y4 class on Fridays. I have had a deputy head day out of the classroom on Thursdays. On Mondays I have provided cover for teachers with responsibilities and on Tuesdays I have provided PPA (Planning, Preparation and Assessment Time) for colleagues. Wednesdays have alternated between providing PPA for Y6 and school initiatives (usually English).

I have, therefore, watched from the sidelines, as another teacher has worked hard through the year, coaxing the Y6 towards the SATs week. SATs have now been and gone. The results are awaited and hopefully the signs are that we should have recovered from the 2005 annus horribalis. How much we have recovered is now the question.

The teacher is exhausted and wondering where she will find the energy and motivation to keep the Y6 together for another 9 weeks. She feels unloved and unappreciated by children and staff. Looking in from the outside, I know how inaccurate that perception is ,but also know, from lots of personal experience, how that feels looking out.

I'm looking forward to getting off the treadmill in January 2007.